Resolutions and Dead Squirrels

Yep.  That time when we reflect on the previous 364 days and say things  like, “Man.. I should have kept up with the gym.” OR “Wow, if only I’d have saved that two dollars a day like I wanted to!” Or, my favorite: “What the hell have I done all year?”

Well, I went to the gym about 1/16 as much as I wanted to.  I didn’t save ANY money this year.  I didn’t start the “Stop Roadkill Squirrels” foundation like I wanted to.  The amount of squirrel carcasses in the middle of roads sickens me.  How could you people? There were a few problems with starting my foundation, the first one being I am the only person who really gives a crap about dead squirrels (and other furry road kill) except my children.

It's You Or Me, Squirrel!

Yes, I instilled the “it doesn’t matter if your head goes into the dashboard – save the damn squirrel!” mantra into my beautiful children.  It is so bad that when I am driving down the road and I see a lifeless lump up ahead, I say things like, “That better not be a squirrel!”  Sometimes it isn’t a dead squirrel (or cat, or raccoon, or possum) to which I shout “yay!” Other times, it is and I say things like, “Good job, a-hole.  What did that poor squirrel do to you?” and yes, I am actually in my car, alone, when I say these things. Or with my children who stare out the windshield with lifeless eyes, pretending they don’t hear me.  But I know they do.

Yes, people have asked me if I have had a psychiatric evaluation. Yes, I have had one.  The doctors laughed nervously and told me I was “a-okay Ms. Steelman!”

So THIS year I am doing it different.  I am making a list of things I want to do over the course of my life.  Kind of like a Pushing 39 Bucket List.  The catch is I have to do two a year.  If I do more than that well then I will just give myself a Scratch N Sniff Sticker, a cup of coffee and hug a squirrel.

So the 2012 Kick in the Ass To Do List so far is…

  • Ski. (going on January 1st – hee hee)
  • Get published.
  • Go to the freaky deaky womba bomba GYM. (I have a hard time with this one due to the slacker gene passed down through my family for centuries – thanks Mom & Dad!)

That’s pretty much it for now.  Now.. I am hoping the skiing goes well. I like trees, but not much into moshing with them.

Got any exciting plans for 2012?  :D

Comments

  1. Watch out for those trees! Have a great 2012 Darlene :)

  2. I think we all have a bit of that “slacker gene!” This is really funny! Good luck in 2012!

  3. LoL! Every day I wake up I’m thankful I’m not a squirrel, it’s just too hazardous to be one! ;)
    Here’s to you *raises glass* hope you complete all your goals!

  4. happy new year to you …. :-)

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