Inconsistency should really be my middle name. Throughout my life, I have been inconsistent about everything: work, family, kids, money and even hobbies. I don’t know if I have untreated A.D.H.D. or if I am just inherently lazy, but this crap has plagued me since I was little. I get all gung-ho about something and then a day, week or a month floats by and I say, “Wow, this is pretty f’ing boring.” Other times, I purposely refrain from proceeding, perhaps in an attempt to self-sabotage. I’m really good at that.
Inconsistency is the main ingredient in any recipe for failure. For me, not writing 500 words a day leads to no published novel (hell, not even a final draft!) along with many other unfulfilled dreams and aspirations that I could have if I just remained consistent. I could sit here and make tons of excuses as to my lack of motivation, my screaming inconsistency and my lazy ways, but that’s just it. They are excuses.
What I am consistent with: my program and abstaining from alcohol and drugs. Please know that I am not bragging. It isn’t set in stone that “I got this” when it comes to my recovery from alcoholism/addiction. I see it too much in the places I go… people I care about falling off the wagon or never quite grasping the concept. Maybe they did have the concept but for whatever reason, decided to “try to drink successfully.” I can honestly say I have not seriously entertained taking a drink or drug in these past years… even when those silly, glamorized booze commercials come on the television or I watch a movie with blatant drug use. I do get those little tummy knots sometimes when I watch something like that, but that’s my cue. “Turn it off, Darlene. Nothing to see here.”
By the Grace of God, I will have seven clean & sober years on May 26, 2013.
- Change and inconsistency (mediasocialchange.net)
- 30: The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same (thirtyandlearning.com)