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Jan 10, 2013

The Little Things

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This is a "thought bubble". It is an...

This is a “thought bubble”. It is an illustration depicting thought. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There comes a point in sobriety when the pink cloud of perfection and “I got this” dissipates.  Life continues to happen as we settle into our newfound freedom.  We settle back into our old way of thinking if we are not working a good program.

There will always be little things.  Life will happen on life’s terms consistently ( we can bank on that!) and it is up to us to learn a new way of coping to deal with the enigmas of life.

Slogans like, “Live and Let Live” and “Life on Life’s Terms” are important throughout our sobriety.  When we were out there, we let everything bother us. We harbored resentments over a lot of crap.  We were angry at our family, friends, the system and God.  We felt wronged and justified in our anger.

This thought process destroyed us!  It destroyed me for sure.  Some of the things that made me angry were other people, traffic, television, my mate at the time and the weather just to name a few.  It took me years to get it in my head that I was letting people, places and things control me by thinking I could control them.

This makes for one ticked off individual.  And how ridiculous is it being upset over little things we have zero control over. It is the moments of perceived loss of control that the Serenity Prayer comes in handy:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Once we realize the only thing we have control over is the way we think and that the way we think affects the way we feel, we now have a sense of freedom.

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Filed Under: 2013, addiction, adversity, alcoholic, alcoholism, believe, Darlene Steelman, emotions, freedom, just for today, postaday2012, postaweek2012, Progress, resentment, self confidence, self esteem, self worth, serenity, sober, sobriety, Uncategorized, unknown, willing, Women · Tagged: , , ,
Jan 8, 2013

The Stalker Within Us

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Image: epdeatonville.org

Image: epdeatonville.org

Not all of us have been a stalker or a stalkee, but for those of us who have been on either end of this creepy spectrum, this post should prove either interesting or appalling.

To the stalkers:  Your behavior does not make us want to be with you.  Sending us text messages, calling us frequently and threatening us with “you’ll never meet anyone like me ever again” does not work.  Like… really?  We are freaking hoping we never meet anyone like you… ever. 

You see, we left your sorry ass because of your suffocating, over-bearing, jealous behavior.  Nope, doesn’t matter how hot you are/were or how great in the sack you were or all the times you brought us lunch… we do not want you.

It is over.  Time for you to move on.

To the stalkees: Protect yourself!  Document all the irrational behavior on your stalker’s part.  If you can change your email or cell number, do it.  If not, keep text messages, emails, and all other correspondence.  This will come in handy should you require a protection order.

Do everything in your power to keep the stalker at bay: block them on Facebook, ignore their rants via text message, email and voicemail.  Most importantly, if they are harassing you in person, go to the police and get a protection order.

These situations are volatile and can turn dangerous.  Protect yourself! 

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Filed Under: 2013, addiction, anger, co-dependency, crazy, Darlene Steelman, embarrassing, emotions, fear, insecure, jealousy, mental health, postaday2012, postaweek2012, psycho, rejection, self confidence, self esteem, self worth, sex · Tagged: , ,
Jan 5, 2013

Pushing Through

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Image: faithoncampus.com

Image: faithoncampus.com

Once we realize that we are powerless and cannot get through sobriety (or anything for that matter) without a higher power, we are now in the position of knowing what to do.  There is a saying (and I am ad-libbing here): “Once you know, you can never not know.”

This picture above is also a magnet.  I saw it at Barnes & Noble one day and snatched it up.  It is on my refrigerator as a stark reminder to do just what it says. And I live by this rule in a selective way.

I’ll explain.

There are times, of course, when we need to give up.  If my car isn’t starting and I am about to crank it for the umpteenth time, I need to give up.  When drinking and drugging are leaving you feeling beaten down repeatedly.  Because doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insane.

Ya hear what I’m sayin’?

If you or someone you know is struggling with staying away from a drink or a drug (or any other addiction) the most important thing to remember is “just don’t pick up.”  Because picking up is giving up.  Picking up is giving up on your sobriety, giving up on yourself, giving up on the potential that you have!

This is something I think about from time to time. Of course, being an alcoholic, a drink will flutter across my mind like some deranged, chaotic butterfly.  It is a fleeting thought and it flutters out as fast as it entered.  Behind the thought of a drink comes all the memories of the insanity I called life at one point.  That is what keeps it green for me.  Going back to the life of hell I once lived would be insane.

Here are some ways to push through:

  • get to a meeting.
  • call someone.
  • go for a walk.
  • write.
  • listen to music.
  • pray.
  • draw.

How have you pushed through?

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Filed Under: 2013, addiction, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholism, believe, Darlene Steelman, just for today, positive thinking, postaday2011, postaweek2011, self confidence, self esteem, self worth, sober, sobriety · Tagged: ,
Dec 28, 2012

Out With the Old – A Time to Reflect

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Reflect

Reflect (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As 2012 comes to a close… I have looked through my Penzu journal, gone through old notebooks and basically stepped back and looked at the canvas of my life.  It hasn’t exactly been a spectacular year… but then it has been a spectacular year.  I fell down a cliff on a quad, I celebrated six years of sobriety in May, I started going to Al-Anon (which changed my life!) and I ended a six year, toxic relationship never dreaming that I’d enter into a new relationship with a man who I am pretty sure was made just for me.

I read somewhere that when we order up the life we want to exact specifications, we just might get it.  Well, I seem to be on my way.

The Old:

Procrastination – Insecurity – Self-loathing – Laziness – Self-doubt – feeling unworthy in most situations.  Ahhh.. those old ugly beliefs and bad thoughts that I wish I could beat with a hammer.  However, thoughts are not tangible so I have to beat them with positive thinking!

The New:

Get it done! I am beautiful! I can and will prevail! Successful author!  I have to fake it ’til I make it – and my advice to all of you is to do the same.  Faking it ’til we make it is like a mental affirmation of determination that only we know about.  It kinda goes along with that whole “The Secret” thing.  Trust me – it freaking works.

How about you? What is your out with the old, in with the new for the coming year?

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Filed Under: 2012, believe, Darlene Steelman, dolphins, God, Gratitude, happiness, Healthy, insecure, journaling, lazy, life, Living, love, New Year, postaday2011, postaweek2011, self confidence, self esteem, self worth, sober, sobriety, Thankful, truth, Uncategorized, wellbeing, willing, worthy, Writing · Tagged: , ,
Sep 12, 2012

Dear Me – A Letter to My Fifteen Year Old Insecure Self

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So I came upon this post courtesy of the talented Jeff Goins.  Listen to me, I “came upon.”  The truth is I follow his amazing blog and even bought his book “Wrecked.”  Check it out.  You can thank me later.

The gist is this:  Write a letter to your fifteen year old self.  Simple!  What would you say to yourself?  What would you tell you to value?  What would you tell you to not get in such a tizzy about?

After you write your letter, link back here to the Friday, September 14, 2012 post.

Annnnd, one more thing before we get started… Check out Emily Freeman’s book Graceful (for young women).  I plan on it!

Dear Me:

Hey.  I know you’re sad and you feel misunderstood and you’re lonely. I get it.  But I have to tell you that you looked for love in all the wrong places.  Turns out, you may have been an ugly duckling (all skinny and gangly) but you filled out quit nicely.  You always had a problem with anger, but it suited you well and really calmed down after 30.

Oh, and by the way, you’re an alcoholic.  Yeah, it turns out, after a serious run in the dirt, it is a blessing in disguise.

So here are my tips to you, lassy:

1. Boys are not everything.

2. Follow your dreams, no matter what your dad says!

3. Stop frowning!  Gram is right, your face really does stay that way.

4. Please stop cutting yourself. The emotional scars heal, but those scars on your wrist will be there for life.

5. You have great thoughts, don’t be afraid to voice your opinion.

6. No one is watching you.  Okay, maybe one or two people here and there.  But not everyone all the time.  Get over it and be silly!

7. I know you like to think you know everything.  You don’t.

8. You should listen to the adults in your life more.  They’ve been there and are so not blowing smoke up your arse.

9. Stop being such a people pleaser!

10.  You have an amazing smile!  Smile more. Frown less.

With much love and admiration,

The still crazy head banging chick you grew to love.

Filed Under: 2012, addiction, alcoholism, character defects, crazy, Darlene Steelman, emotions, just for today, life, love, memories, mixed emotions, positive thinking, postaday2011, postaweek2011, self confidence, self esteem, self worth, sober, sobriety ·
Jul 25, 2012

All About Perspective

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What do you see?

Perspective.  We all have our own.  Some perspectives we learn over time while others we form on the drop of a dime.  I have said, in earlier posts, that I find people fascinating.  Their tastes, their mannerisms, and their idiosyncrasies.  But what I am really into is their perspective.

For example:  the glass to the left of this post.  Half full?  Half empty?  Too much?  Not enough?  Do you even care?

I was at a meeting last night and at the end, we all went outside.  A lot of us stand around and chitter chatter sometimes; getting to know each other and all that. I was talking to my old sponsor, and I spotted this huge bug on the wall to the right of me.  It was huge and beautiful, from my perspective.

I started to ease my hand under the bug (my mother had shown me how to do this just this past weekend) and my old sponsor started to become uncomfortable.

“Please, Darlene.  Don’t do that!” she begged me.

“Why?  It’s a harmless bug.  Look how cool he is,” I defended as I edged my hand under the left rear leg.

“Cool?  It’s ugly and it will hurt you,” she said.  I could hear her perspective from the fear in her voice.

I really wanted to hold this bug and get a better look at it.  From my perspective it was just a bug; a misunderstood bug judged solely on appearance.  My perspective saw beauty and uniqueness.

I decided to spare everyone (at this point more people were watching) the horror of me (gasp!) actually picking up a giant bug to revel in the beauty I saw in God’s little creature.  My old sponsor relaxed and so did a few other people after I moved my hand away from the bug.  I felt a little sad because I didn’t get to pick the bug up.

However, I am happy that I got to see it and that I didn’t cause mass hysteria! ;)

Life is all about perspective.

Have your perspectives ever changed?  How do you feel about bugs?

Filed Under: #ROW80, 2012, addiction, adversity, alcohol, bugs, Darlene Steelman, Healthy, mental health, people, perspective, positive thinking, postaday2011, postaweek2011, self esteem, self worth, sober, sobriety, wellbeing, Writing, you, zen ·
Apr 30, 2012

A – Z Challenge ~ Z is for Zen

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zen bedroom

zen bedroom (Photo credit: evoluc)

Zen is:
1. Chinese, Ch’an. Buddhism . a Mahayana movement, introduced into China in the 6th century a.d. and into Japan in the 12th century, that emphasizes enlightenment for the student by the most direct possible means, accepting formal studies and observances only when they form part of such means. Compare koan, mondo.
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2. the discipline and practice of this sect.
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Zen is also:
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The practice of finding complete peace and tranquility within one’s self.  I have a friend with whom I talk to about peace, zen and tranquility.  We have our own views of zen.  But, that is the beauty of Zen.  It is where ever you find peace.
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Your zen is unique.  Maybe your zen is sitting at a coffee shop surrounded by people, or maybe it is sitting on a giant rock in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees.
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Whichever your zen, try to find it at least once a week.  Go to your zen spot (if you can do up your bedroom in a zen-like state, even better) and breath in through your nose, exhale through your mouth and let your mind settle.
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This is the last in line for A-Z posts!  I had a lot of fun with this project.  I came upon a lot of cool blogs and had a lot of cool new commenters (and you old heads rock too!).
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My theme for the A-Z Challenge was mostly about SELF. Things that breed happiness, peace and confidence.
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Have a great week everyone!  :D
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Filed Under: 2012, A - Z Challenge, Darlene Steelman, Energy, Health, Healthy, Meditation, positive thinking, postaday2011, postaweek2011, self esteem, zen · Tagged: , ,
Apr 20, 2012

A – Z Challenge ~ R is for Reinvent

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sunny day

sunny day (Photo credit: jhoc)

How do we reinvent ourselves? We have to change things up. Reinventing means taking something old and making it different. We reinvent ourselves when we take a long hard look at what is going on in our life and figure out what is or is not working.
Maybe you have a bad attitude at work or maybe you wear the same damn type of clothes every single day or you read the same types of books all the time. CHANGE IT UP!

When we reinvent ourselves we are giving our self permission to step outside the box – that box of fuzzy blanket comfort – and recharge our batteries.

Maybe you had your eye on a new journal to write in that will bring forth ideas for that book you have been wanting to write or maybe there is a class that you have been wanting to take because you just know it will do you tons of ooey goodness.

I’ll tell you what.  All the nerve I possess I can thank my Gram for.  She never let me be a sissy and stay in the same humdrum routine when I was a little girl.  She taught me that if I want anything to change I have to change it.  I have to reinvent it.  I reinvent myself each day when I try something new or put a positive spin on a negative situation.

You can do it too!

The Day’s Ponder:  When was the last time you reinvented yourself?  Write down three ways you can reinvent yourself.

Filed Under: 2012, A - Z Challenge, adversity, Darlene Steelman, Gratitude, happiness, Health, journaling, Living, mental health, positive thinking, postaday2011, postaweek2011, self confidence, self esteem, Uncategorized, wellbeing ·
Apr 7, 2012

A – Z Challenge ~ G is for Gusto

By · 7 Comments

image: globalgraphica.com

gus·to

[guhs-toh]hearty or keen enjoyment, as in eating or drinking, or in action or speech in general: to dance with gusto. Synonyms:  enthusiasm, delight, relish, zest, spirit, fervor.

Ah gimme da gusto!  Ok, bad Italiano attempt there… but, hey… it is Saturday and Saturday is alright for Gusto!

Gusto is something that I have lacked for the last two years of my life.  I write, I work, I eat annnd… I sleep.  I just realized this as I left the gym this evening and came home.

I lack gusto. I lack oomph. Pizzazz!

So what should I do?  What should you do if you are lacking GUSTO?

Go out and find it!  I realized on the way home from the gym tonight that my lack of gusto is my own darn fault.  SO if you are lacking gusto, let’s figure out why!

And if you got lots o’ gusto goin’ on.. don’t be stingy.. share your tips with us. :D

Filed Under: #ROW80, 2012, A - Z Challenge, blog, Darlene Steelman, Gusto, self esteem, self worth ·
Apr 2, 2012

A – Z Challenge ~ B is for Believe

By · 16 Comments

Believe.  What a strong word. I believe in you.  I’m a believer. Daydream believer. You gotta believe.  I believe I can fly.

Sure is a lot of believing… and why not?  Believing in something or someone gives us hope.  It gives us something to look forward to.

Here are some songs with “Believe” in the title:

  • Do You Believe in Love – Huey Lewis and the News
  • Daydream Believer – The Monkees
  • She Believes in Me – Kenny Rogers
  • I Believe in You and Me – Whitney Houston

The most important thing you can believe in is you. YOU have to believe in YOU. If you don’t, who will?  It is kind of like the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus, when we stop believing, it no longer exists. Think back to a time when you believed or stopped believing… how did you feel?

When I believe I am a good writer or that I can go to the gym, I do those things.  How about you?

Believe in positivity, forgo negativity…

Quotes About Believing

  • “We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.” Winston Churchill
  • “If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.” Noam Chomsky
  • “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” Christian D. Larson

So you see, believing is a wonderful thing and whatever you believe is your truth.

Filed Under: #ROW80, 2012, A - Z Challenge, believe, Darlene Steelman, postaday2011, postaweek2011, self esteem, Uncategorized, unknown ·
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